Tales of the Nineteen Galaxies #5


So, another weekend, another Tale from the universe of the Nineteen Galaxies!  This one is a bit of comic relief among the grimness of the Nineteen Galaxies!  Hope you enjoy!  Probably the most fun I’ve ever had writing!

 

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The Ambassador

 

It was dark.

The world was spinning, everything was blurry, and the sky was turning an unhealthy shade of pink.  Or was it a dirty brown?  Nobody could be sure.  The rocks were changing shape all the time; at first some of them looked like animals, then morphed into cutlery, and then suddenly they were…sofas?

It could mean only one thing.

They were drunk.

Unequivocally.

Unabashedly.

Inconceivably.

Incontestably.

Indelicately.

Drunk.

They couldn’t stand up, let alone move.  The human tried to convey his thanks to the rock beside him, thinking it to be a member of the famous Rock People of Alpha Centauri.  There were, of course, no Rock People, though that didn’t stop him from trying to welcome them into the Consortium with open arms.

“As senior –hic- naval officers,” the human began, “we welcome –hic- you into the –hic- Terran Consortium –hic.”

“You do realise that’s just a rock,” his friend giggled.

“Are you sure?” the human slurred.

His friend nodded emphatically, and continued nodding.  They were on shore leave, the ship was in for refit, and they were determined to do something they hadn’t done before: get drunk… again.

They hadn’t reckoned on the drink being quite so effective with the effective side effects, or was that the drink talking?

The human belched loudly.

“That’s the drink talking,” his friend said out loud without realising it.

“I’m terribly sorry if I offended thee,” slurred the human, leaning on what he thought was the leader of the Rock People.  “It was the drink talking,” he added, gesturing to his best friend’s obviously correct statement about the status of the aforementioned belch.

“Captain,” a crisp voice said.

The human captain turned to see a young Lieutenant with high, pointed ears from the local ground base on the other side of the rocky ridge.  He pointed at the elfish officer.

“Ears,” he giggled.  “Hi there, mister,” the human said, his voice still a slur.

“What can we do for you, mister Ears, I mean Lieuuu-tenant?”

“Captain, Commander, I’m here to report to you that hostilities with the Okarnagans have begun in earnest.”

“That’s nice,” the captain smiled inanely.

The other asked innocently, “Who’s Ernest?”

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